Response to "Fortune"

“Fortune” is a story about a man sitting at home, enjoying a snack consisting of oreos in the company of his dog, Duke, when two burglars break in during an episode of Wheel of Fortune. Stricken by fear, the narrator sits on the couch as the two men tear apart his home, until an argument between the pair results in one being shot by the other and the narrator’s anger and frustration builds up to the point where he throws a lamp in retaliation and scrambles for the door.

                I really liked this story even though the dog did die, which always makes me sad. You did an excellent job of providing vivid imagery and poetic language (had to bust out the dictionary for a couple of words) but there were a lot of times when I felt beaten over the head by metaphors and similes. The first few are well placed but we don’t need one after every tiny detail is given. And while I was satisfied with how the narrator initially reacted to the intruders, I felt that throughout the rest of the invasion, the narrator was too detached from the situation, often detailing what was going with emotion, but from a cold perspective, kind of like he wasn’t really experiencing it himself. There just wasn’t a feeling of intensity up until the end of page 5 when his adrenaline kicks in but then the story ends.

Also, there are only a few lines of dialogue in the entire story; I feel like this would be much more solid if the argument between Jacob and Joshua was audible to the narrator since it is the turning point in the story. I was especially curious to know what could cause them to turn on one another. Did Joshua want to kill Mike and Jacob didn’t, or were they arguing over what to take?

And I would like to know more about our narrator, Mike. All get is that his job makes him anxious, he likes oreos, he has a niece, and that he lives alone with his dog because his previous roommate has left for a reason that we are unaware of. I picture him to be in his late twenties, early thirties and a little more backstory would easily clear up the few minor questions I have.