"Curtis and Deangelo"

This story is about two men, the title’s namesakes, who (couldn’t tell if they were brothers or just good friends because of backstory confusion) are in Vegas entertaining themselves with blackjack and prostitutes. At some point in time Curtis receives a phone call saying his father is in surgery so the team packs up and readies to leave but is delayed due to Deangelo misplacing his jacket. They recall an accident that took place the past summer between their fathers and another character named Bishop. Curtis arrives 2 days later to see his father and the next morning Deangelo calls him to let him know that his dad is dead (once again not sure if it’s their dad or if both have fathers in the hospital).

I feel like this story has a lot of potential because we have two old smartass kind of characters (similar to a Jack Nicholson type) who are faced with a serious issue and sets up a conflict, but then we get thrown off during the middle of the plot because of a backstory told with very few tags that doesn’t give us a clear enough sense of what happened and how it affected these men. This ultimately weakens the story overall. Building up the setting a bit more and tweaking one of their voices would also go a long way to help us differentiate between the duo. 

I think that one reason I had so much difficulty with this is because it has a bunch of little elements but no cohesive center. First they just play black jack, then it’s a search for a jacket, followed by a short visitation scene, then a sad ending. There could be so much more to give this an extra layer of depth. Maybe a scene that explains why they're in Vegas to begin with. 

And lastly there were a couple of times when a line was added without any explanation. For example on page 4, when Deangelo ask Curtis about the accident he says, “before we get arrested tonight” and on page 5 with “I know, Bishop’s family must have been in rough shape.” We get some vague details about what is going on with these men and who Bishop might be but the situations definitely need some clarification.I think you just need to expand this a little more. The climax of the story is hits on page 7 but then there is only a few lines of dialogue and we learn that the pair are going back to black jack. I was pretty stunned that the resolution just drops off. Where’s the change?