Response: "Safe"

“Safe” is a story told from the perspective of Alexandra, a young woman raised by her mother after her parents’ divorce. The tension of this story is located around the strained relationship between the narrator and her father and how her mother’s influence over her has affected her ability to exist with the opposite sex.

Needs better transitioning. At times the story built up the tension and all of a sudden there would be a skip in time and the narrator would be doing something completely different. The start of the second section on page two feels like a completely different beginning to the story and the split on page 5 is an awkward transition, I found it hard to believe that when Alexandra was on edge and realized her dog was missing, she’d just fall asleep.

The main character has the opportunity to be a dynamic and memorable character, but other than the fact that she is scared of men and she has a dog named Twinkle, we don’t know much about her. I’d really like to see more of the bond between her and the younger brother, he is only mentioned once in the beginning and maybe building up his character a bit could serve as a foil to Alexandra later in the story so we understand more about her personality.

As it is now, the ending doesn’t reveal a change in the character. She starts the story as fearful and remains the same through the conflict. The only change we can see is minimal during her attempt to fight back and defend herself from her assailant. If you wanted, one suggestion would be to flip the divorce situation and have her distrusting of other women but when the father turns against her, she realizes that it’s really men who she should fear.

Response: "Once in a Lifetime"

And cancer strikes again! “Once in a Lifetime” is a story told by a girl named Hema, who is speaking in the 2^nd person to a young man, Kaushik and recounting a time period in which their families shared a single home for a time. The story explores the narrator’s relationship with her parents and in turn the family’s overall relationship with Kaushik and his parents after they move back in town after a time in Bombay.

I didn’t really know how to read this story because there is a general lack of structure other than the chronological order of events that the narrator experiences and explains. I’ve also only read a couple of stories written in this fashion and as a result, it makes for quite a slow read. The constant usage of you and your in the story grabs the reader and demands full attention, assimilating and incorporating the audience through an intimate connection. 

Although it is full of real and emotional tension, there is little to no true conflict. Throughout the entire thing I was expecting a Notebook type of resolution in which the main characters are married and this is a story that she reads to him to help him remember their past together. And I was pulling for Hema’s character up until page 499 when she announced her dislike of Doctor Who and revealed little to no interest in Isaac Asimov books. After that point, I couldn’t really remain interested in the story, I was expecting a decisive climax but all we get is a short scene in the woods where Kaushik reveals that his mother has cancer. This ending, to me, left me satisfied because we can imagine what happens in the following years, but the adoration the narrator feels towards the boy is never resolved and the

Response: "the bleeps and blips of life"

“The Bleep and Blips of Life” is about Anne, a girl sitting with her comatose father in the hospital. As Anne struggles to accept that her father is in such a condition, her younger sister, Karen, comes to the hospital and the dynamics of their early family life is exposed. We learn that Anne’s parents played favorites when they were younger (at least the mother did) and as a result of much fighting and cheating, her parents got a divorce. While her father lies in the hospital, Anne and her sister try to decide the correct course of action to take. 

I love how much tension the story holds, the family ties are complex and real which gives the conflict between the sisters a firm grip on the reader, but other than some verbal disagreements, I didn’t get an overwhelming sense that the narrator needed to change her opinion. You could also add in the monetary reasons for pulling the plug or adding a phone call from the mother might shake up the narrator into taking action.

I feel like the title lacks a sense of raw emotion that I felt while reading this story because it really did move me. Almost all of us have been put in that uncomfortable situation and with a family like theirs, as readers are more invested in Anne’s connection to her sister and father. My favorite aspect was the use of flashbacks throughout the story. Although I do feel a few more small details about why their mother preferred Karen and why she disliked her first born daughter so much could boost the reader’s attachment to Anne. At this time I feel like we don’t know enough about our narrator.

Response: "Password Protected"

“Password Protected” is a narration from the point of view from a young woman named Julia who is checking up on facebook at a public library and reacting to a number of different situations and statuses put up by others, and at the same time we learn that she has been dealing with her brother’s cancer. She silently judges each one while evaluating the lives of other people, effectively hiding her own life in the process. 

I liked how the story is full of tension but overall, I felt it to be lacking true conflict. Everything the narrator focuses on is online and doesn’t affect her directly until after we learn that Thomas has died. I’d like to see more of a change in Julia. She starts out as a loving sister and ends the story as a loving sister. One way to facilitate a change would be to have her resent her brother for getting cancer because it put a strain on her family and is the reason for her moving away from her friends and school.  

And I really like the ending of the story. The idea of immortalizing someone through the internet is a very modern way of honoring their memory, but Julia’s relationship with her brother is the main focus of the story and there is only one scene in which we see the two characters interact. Adding an extra scene or incorporating more details about their past together would give the story more emotion while at the same time bringing the ending around full circle.

Response: Series of Omissions

Series of Omissions is an obituary style narration about the life of Norman O’Conner, a man both loved and hated by his family. After Norman was diagnosed with a terminal disease, he attempted to change his attitudes and establish a connection with his family. The story examines both the positive and negative effects of his personality as we are exposed to bits of his life and the relationship between his wife, daughter, and two sons. 

First off, as always, I really enjoyed this. Your descriptions are simple but brilliantly displayed and a believable character is introduced. He obviously has defects; my favorite line is the beginning of the second paragraph, "and a quantity of appalling pornography hidden beneath the toolshed..." This introduces into the story a sense of comic relief, while at the same time providing us with a true look into Norman’s lifestyle. These components allow for the reader to establish a sympathetic bond with the deceased and they gives the story an extra emotional tone of sadness. 

However, I didn’t like a few elements to the story. To start with, I can’t decide if I like how short it is, at times, it doesn’t read like a short story, but more of a eulogy. And we don’t get a lot of background information on Norman. Splices of information are thrown in as we experience the family dynamics and glimpse at pieces of his enigmatic character. We see what makes him so unique but what led him to act in such a manner? Why is he so at odds with his daughter and what disease did he die from? A few details are missing that would make this seem much more cohesive.