"Beyond the Line"

This story is about Isaac, a solider in the US Army that is separated from his wife by war and is stationed near some desert at some point in time. Although we don’t know what year it is, I’m assuming it’s relatively recent (although the cannon part threw me off lol). We learn that he holds the rank of Major and is constantly being summoned due to his latest assignment. Towards the end, Isaac refuses an order from a superior officer to destroy a target location because of civilian casualties, a school full of children in particular. As a result, he is court marshaled and sent home for presumably for future punishment, though he is solely focused on seeing his wife again.

I really like the level of detail you provide and that the perspective is of the soldier shown during combat. There is definitely a story here, but I think it’s just drawn out a little too long in the beginning. We don’t get any real action sequences until about 7 pages in and I couldn’t tell if page 1 was a flashback or not because of the start of page 2. I don’t know if that is just my misinterpretation or if it confused anyone else as well, but a clearer transition could be helpful.

The narrative voice is consistent and solid, but was a bit confusing at times because the narrator also uses military terminology. I think that is best left within the dialogue, which is the strongest aspect of this piece. With all that military jargon, we get a narrowing window of readers who will understand all of the elements you describe.

Also I feel like you could have taken the larger conflict on a different path. Maybe Isaac has never killed civilians before and this is the first time he commits the deed. Then his morals are challenged and we see a different side of the Major. In this version, we don’t get the sense that he is a bad guy and when he sticks up for what is right, it didn’t go against his character so the conflict and change feel pretty weak. Another suggestion could be that we find out more of his relationship with his wife and how the distance affects them.  We start the story with her then nothing for like 9 pages then all of a sudden she’s the main focus again for Isaac at the very end. And if you go with the earlier suggestion, it gives you another angle to see how he would judge himself by what his wife will think of him when he returns home.