Response to Alyson Smith's "Swiss Cheese"

“Swiss Cheese” is an interesting story about Brett Miller, who works in a hospital as an intern I believe. My first thought about this was that it seemed like a twisted version of a grey’s anatomy episode. As Brett divulges the horrors of her past, we get a basic understanding of her motives for becoming a doctor, (I’m assuming it was the father’s death since she was pre-med at the time of her mother's murder) a small description of a suicidal inmate with a horror-filled past of his own, and after a few brief confrontation, Brett leaves the man to choose his own fate.

To begin with a couple small issues, if I remember correctly, you disliked how a girl’s name was used to represent a male character from another story we workshopped and yet, Brett is a man’s name, so there was a little confusion there. Also, do bananas gush that much? The opening scene is detailed brilliantly but I was surprised of your choice of fruit. Nothing major, just me nit picking.

I also felt like a lot of the dialogue is unbelievable, not so much the details but more of the openness that the characters have towards one another. Brett seems almost neurotic herself, but I’m very surprised she lashes out as much as she does for seemingly no reason at all. Plus I want to know more about the “dark voice” in her head. It’s only mentioned once but I feel like it should have a bigger part in the story. 

And to be honest, I thought that Jack was going to turn out to be her mother’s killer and that this was going to turn out to be her one act of vengeance after swearing to protect the lives of others and now that I look back on the ending, I think this would be a better fit, even at the risk of it sounding predictable. Right now, we have Brett’s subtle acceptance after the inmate shakes her up initially.