I enjoyed the
story for its simplicity and how easily relatable it was, not only to the
audience but to myself personally. The point of view is 3rd person
and the narration follows the main character, Christina, who sits at her
window and passes the days by watching the street she lives on. I know first-hand what it’s
like to grow up on a boring street and sometimes the only entertainment is to
watch the neighbors and the comings and goings of strangers walking about. There
were many things that worked well throughout the story, your use of strong
language and good imagery stood out the most, for example my favorite line was “the
day is gray and full of broken dreams.” My immediate reaction was depression and
it sets up the tone for the rest of the story, it clings to the characters and
the tension follows up until the end.
There are some areas that could use
some improvement though. At times some unnecessary phrases cluttered up the
paragraphs, adding fluff that can be stripped. From what little dialogue there
was, to me it seems cliché, especially between Lisa and Larry. In addition to
these, you could also build up the setting a bit. You start out strong; it’s
raining, sometime in the late afternoon or early evening I’m assuming based on
Larry’s arrival, but then nothing. We don’t even have the name of the street
until the 3rd page.
And lastly I would have liked to
see some more conflict with Christina personally. We have tension constantly
streaming as we feel more and more pity for Christina, but I think it needs
more change. She didn’t change at all; she just accepted what she was already
doing and resolved to continue doing it. I was hoping to either see some
conflict with her husband or even some internal battle between her and her
moral compass, just something more to show that she at least had the capability
of questioning herself.
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